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Calm of the night
Here in the calm of the night
Waiting for the dawn
My thoughts drift to and fro
Deep withing the mirror pond
Something stirs and wakes
Like an arm stretched forth
A desire to connect
At the most fundamental level
Become part of something more
So I sing my song and weave my signs
Striving for more then myself
Here in the calm of the night
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Water Or Stone?
Deep these currents go
Swirling in the dark
Torrents that aim to drown
Burst forth from their cage
Held back by stone walls
Battered and worn down
Scarred from all the fights
Let loose the flood
Or sacrifice to keep them back
Wanting sweet relief in release
Bury everyone in water
Or hold fast and stalwart
Stoic like the stone
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In the garden of my mind
With columns and statues
Deep pools of still water
Yet hesitation grows like vines
Entwined over everything
Like a garden long untended
Overgrown and choked off
The sun does not glisten on the dew
Nor does the moonlight gleam in the water
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Stream: Jan 16 12:44 AM
Its during these alone times that I find myself pulling back. Almost regressing into the past like one would curl up in a blanket on a cold day, a comforting reaction. And a reaction it is as I feel the pressure of work and life piled up on me I do look to the past and dream and sigh. "No regrets," I tell myself, yet I can feel it in me like a plastic bag in the wind just floating about. I almost feel disconnected, like I've lost my footing and while I'm not falling, I do feel like I'm tipping over. Wanting to reach out and grab something, the past keeps coming up as the easiest thing to go for.
That floating bag casts a shadow of doubt over my thoughts as I move forward in my life, always there but so fleeting. I like my life as it is, yet I feel almost too comfortable and thus that feeling of disconnectedness. My friends are either gone or just not there for me anymore and that part of me from the past that I keep looking to, feels like its not there anymore. I feel like I'm falling
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At my desk
At my desk I stare out the window, wondering about life. I really hate not having anything to do, but at the same time I find myself unable to find anything to do. Something worthy of my creativity, something that I can do and say, "Hey, I did that," when I'm finished. No, nothing comes to mind.
So I sit and let tumblr and twitter and facebook and a plethora of other sites pour over me. Looking for some little gem that might spark my curiosity while the ambient electronic music comforts me. No emails, no texts, just quiet solitude in front of my electronic looking glass.
Searching, looking, pining for something worthy of my time. Enough of these stories of people and their good/bad experiences at some such location. I need substance. I need depth. I need true stimulation to keep the demons of boredom away. Music videos and lolcats and even texts from last night only serve as a distraction from the lack of stimulation.
And so I sit and search and surf in my fluorescent lit cave of an of
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When I see those eyes
Deep into my soul they stare
Even from your photograph
I still feel you near
My heart leaps from fear
Not knowing your condition
Only hope stands here now
That place in my heart
Where you once reside
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The Path
Like a star in the distance
Only at dusk does it appear
I can hear it ring out
Calling like a lost phone
Its voice reaches me
To walk once again
Down the dim lit path
Between light and dark
Desire and selflessness
Logic and emotion
Where the fabric of spacetime
Exposed to the bare thread
Ready for the weaving
Simply draw the intent
Vocalize the words
And imprint my will
Like a seal in wax
Upon the world
Watch it come to life
To fulfill my needs
:iconmindbender:mindbender 1 0
This place
I used to exist in this space
This place that once was home
Away from all the noise
Away from all the pain
Now I look back and think
Ponder and feel and wonder
Looking at the past ruins
This place that was my own
Now just a dim shadow
Something once and done
Its purpose fulfilled
No never, but not a focus
Growing beyond the confines
This place is now tiny
Unable to circumscribe my boundaries
A small jewel this space is
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It is both
Its this stillness that comes
Comes for me whenever I'm alone
From another world it seems
This stillness that steals me
And seals me and binds me
Flowing over my mind like water
The slow sensual drowning of dreams
Dreams that pilfer me away
Away to some other plain
Both free and bound behind
The shroud of time like a black bag
Over my head it goes
And down under the water my mind flows
Both revel and regret the feeling
Of being out of time and space
Yet missing out on my simple existence
How does it compare, my astral travels
Of light and dark of right and wrong
To the mundane strife of daily life
For only love can bloom in life
Not in the beyond, or the between
Not in the cold sterile perfection
Nor the hot steaming depths of chaos
Only in the peaceful calm middle
For love is both
:iconmindbender:mindbender 2 3
I slip that smooth surface in
And turn up the knob
As the vibrations spread all over
I feel an energy rise in me
Back and forth goes the pulsations
Losing control till I shake all around
As a shriek of joy escapes my mouth
I continue to shake to the beat
This music releasing something deep inside
Like a flood breaking loose
I dance to my hearts contentment
Till the song stops
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Came home Let night after a long day of work and class to find pizza on the counter. I'm told by my boyfriend that it's for the girls tonight and not for me. They are having girls night.
I didn't expect it to him me so hard, trying to make something to eat and trying to hide the tears at the same time. It's a pain I hadn't had to face in a long time and found myself surprised at the torrent of feeling I was try to hold back.
Growing up there were many times I was told that I couldn't hang out with people. All for various reasons but the one that really covers them all is, "It's girl talk." That the simple fact that I'm a male meant I was excluded. Or, "Big kids only." All my young mind heard was you are not wanted because of who you are.
Now again I'm being told this by my boyfriend. Thar because I'm not gay enough I can't hang out with the girls. But as I'm feeling this I'm hit with guilt for feeling these things.
Then I want tell my boyfriend these feelings but I have to go hold myself back . I can't let my feelings get out of control and turn vindictive. I think of calling my friends but then I'm hit with fear because im always been the rock. I don't want to have to expose myself like this or if I pick a friend  am I telling the right on? All horrible thoughts, so I write them here instead.


United States


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HimitsuUK Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2016   Photographer
bluefluke Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015  Professional General Artist
Hey, thanks for the watch. You are awesome! :meow:
DarkMechanic Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for watching!
FloorSteinz Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2011  Student Digital Artist
thanks for the fav^^
tokyo-storm Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave! :)
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